Found some old writings;
Impressed by the quality.
Where did this skill go?
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Brian's a funny man: Part Deux
One more from Brian.
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ATTENTION: Whoever put chocolate pudding in the copier.
On Tuesday, December 3, an unknown individual or individuals inserted a cup of Jello brand chocolate pudding into a copier in TCS West. The cup was placed in such a way that the next time an attempt was made to copy a document, the cup exploded. Some people may appreciate practical jokes, however, this is entirely inappropriate behavior at the office. It might have seemed funny for someone else to open up the copier and find chocolate pudding, but this prank took the copier offline for nearly two days. When the pudding cup exploded it allowed pudding to move through most of the machine’s internal components, requiring the entire copier to be stripped and cleaned. It also mixed with the toner, created a sticky sludge that forced the replacement of several key parts. In short, this so-called prank cost just over $2,600 in replacement parts and technician time.
The copier is a shared resource that benefits everyone working here. To disable it in such a fashion is an affront to all of the hard-working people who require the regular or irregular use of the copier. Steps will be taken to protect company assets if these activities continue. This includes a potential ban on pudding. Please be more considerate of your co-workers and understand that we are a team, working together toward a common goal.
Thank you for your attention.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTENTION: Whoever put chocolate pudding in the copier.
On Tuesday, December 3, an unknown individual or individuals inserted a cup of Jello brand chocolate pudding into a copier in TCS West. The cup was placed in such a way that the next time an attempt was made to copy a document, the cup exploded. Some people may appreciate practical jokes, however, this is entirely inappropriate behavior at the office. It might have seemed funny for someone else to open up the copier and find chocolate pudding, but this prank took the copier offline for nearly two days. When the pudding cup exploded it allowed pudding to move through most of the machine’s internal components, requiring the entire copier to be stripped and cleaned. It also mixed with the toner, created a sticky sludge that forced the replacement of several key parts. In short, this so-called prank cost just over $2,600 in replacement parts and technician time.
The copier is a shared resource that benefits everyone working here. To disable it in such a fashion is an affront to all of the hard-working people who require the regular or irregular use of the copier. Steps will be taken to protect company assets if these activities continue. This includes a potential ban on pudding. Please be more considerate of your co-workers and understand that we are a team, working together toward a common goal.
Thank you for your attention.
Brian's a funny man
I have a friend name Brian. Actually, I have a number of friends named Brian, but this one in particular is especially talented at written humor. More than once I’ve suggested that he submit some of his work to The Onion and quit his day job as a consultant, but to no avail.
Anyways, while I was looking for photos of myself as Martini Jesus to no avail the other day, I ran across a couple of fake workplace announcements Brian had written years ago. They were just as amusing as I recalled them being so I thought I’d share them here.
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BEAR ALERT
As many of you know, there have been a number of recent reports of a large dog-like animal, possibly a bear, in the Torrance area. Authorities are continuing to search for the animal but have not been able to track or trap it. We want to provide the safest working environment possible and so have provided the following tips. Feel free to share these tips with family members or friends who live and/or work in the Torrance area.
Remember that if you see a bear on the ****** campus you should not approach the animal. The bear is undoubtedly confused and disoriented, and it may become hostile if approached. Call security and wait for the authorities to respond. If you have a steak or other food, you may toss it toward the animal to keep the bear in the area so that it can be captured. Note that ****** vehicle warranties and most insurance companies do not cover deliberate collision with a bear, so do not attempt to run it over.
We will follow this up with future communications to keep you appraised of safety concerns in the Toyota campus area.
-The ****** Campus Safety Team
Anyways, while I was looking for photos of myself as Martini Jesus to no avail the other day, I ran across a couple of fake workplace announcements Brian had written years ago. They were just as amusing as I recalled them being so I thought I’d share them here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
BEAR ALERT
As many of you know, there have been a number of recent reports of a large dog-like animal, possibly a bear, in the Torrance area. Authorities are continuing to search for the animal but have not been able to track or trap it. We want to provide the safest working environment possible and so have provided the following tips. Feel free to share these tips with family members or friends who live and/or work in the Torrance area.
- Do not purchase or consume honey until the animal has been caught.
- If possible, have meat delivered to your home instead of carrying it from a grocery store to your car and from your car to your home. Bears have highly acute senses of smell and could break into your car because of the smell, even if you have removed the meat.
- If you discover a bear in your car do not attempt to remove it yourself, and do not give it the keys. You may want to take a picture, though.
- Bears are excellent climbers and large bears have the strength to uproot trees that are too small for them to climb. Do not climb a tree to escape a bear. However, bears are not good diggers. If you have access to a shovel, you can dig a hole to hide in. Be sure to leave a hole for air. Do not attempt to dig through pavement.
- Bears are not as easily confused as dogs. If a bear charges you, throwing a ball is unlikely to distract it.
- If you are attacked by a bear, playing dead can be effective; the bear may leave you alone entirely or at least not cause critical injuries. It is not wise to play dead in the middle of a street.
- Examine the size of the bear that is attacking you. Is it a cub? If it is a cub you are probably bigger and stronger than the bear. You may be able to extract yourself from the situation by throwing the cub away from you. Throwing the cub at another human is not an effective way of protecting your community.
- Bears are not as reliant on sight as humans, but blindfolding an attacking bear will give you a better chance of escaping.
- If you encounter a hibernating bear, do not attempt to wake it up. You can tell if a bear is hibernating by opening its eyes and observing the level of pupil dilation.
Remember that if you see a bear on the ****** campus you should not approach the animal. The bear is undoubtedly confused and disoriented, and it may become hostile if approached. Call security and wait for the authorities to respond. If you have a steak or other food, you may toss it toward the animal to keep the bear in the area so that it can be captured. Note that ****** vehicle warranties and most insurance companies do not cover deliberate collision with a bear, so do not attempt to run it over.
We will follow this up with future communications to keep you appraised of safety concerns in the Toyota campus area.
-The ****** Campus Safety Team
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Halloween Costumes
Halloween is almost upon us, and our party last Saturday was probably the best one ever. I rarely dress up for Halloween, but this year my core group of friends decided we should go as the cast of Archer and it kicked ass, as you can see below.
I went as Ray Gillette, "an openly gay intelligence analyst and one of the few competent members of ISIS." I shaved my goatee down to a moustache and used a spray aerosol to temporarily dye my hair. The jacket I got at a thrift store, the tie and tie clip at a military surplus store, and the cigarette holder at a costume store. I think it ended up being a fairly decent replica (except for the hair).
Historically I think I’ve really only ever dressed up for Halloween when I’ve been dating someone, and my choices have been interesting to say the least. The other two incarnations I can think of included Red Lobster, an internet meme involving a corgi, and Martini Jesus, for whom I sadly was unable to find a photo of anywhere. *sad trombone*
Barring any other ideas, I think next year I’ll go with my original plan for this year, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
I went as Ray Gillette, "an openly gay intelligence analyst and one of the few competent members of ISIS." I shaved my goatee down to a moustache and used a spray aerosol to temporarily dye my hair. The jacket I got at a thrift store, the tie and tie clip at a military surplus store, and the cigarette holder at a costume store. I think it ended up being a fairly decent replica (except for the hair).
Historically I think I’ve really only ever dressed up for Halloween when I’ve been dating someone, and my choices have been interesting to say the least. The other two incarnations I can think of included Red Lobster, an internet meme involving a corgi, and Martini Jesus, for whom I sadly was unable to find a photo of anywhere. *sad trombone*
Barring any other ideas, I think next year I’ll go with my original plan for this year, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Daily Haiku - Weekend Edition (10/26)
I don’t like red wine
But tried a flight just in case
Nope, still don’t like it.
----------------------------
Halloween Party!
A bevy of cool costumes
And tons of sugar.
----------------------------
I don’t want to clean
So many dirty dishes
One more day won’t hurt.
But tried a flight just in case
Nope, still don’t like it.
----------------------------
Halloween Party!
A bevy of cool costumes
And tons of sugar.
----------------------------
I don’t want to clean
So many dirty dishes
One more day won’t hurt.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Daily Haiku - October 25, 2012
The wind howls outside,
Trumpets announcing the Fall.
Time for my pea coat.
Trumpets announcing the Fall.
Time for my pea coat.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Let me introduce you to a friend
One of my old college buddies, Paul Dunford, has started up a website, 'Illustrations From An Imaginary Children's Book,' to show off his artwork.
While I am clearly biased, I think his artwork is quite lovely, and I've taken a special liking to Victor, an owl who has become a reoccurring staple in his work. My favorite piece feature him is below.
"Reginald Cumberland was startled to discover an owl in his tea. The owl was startled to discover that Sir Cumberland didn’t have the decency to knock before coming in."
The quote is mine. While I'm sure Paul has his own stories in mind, I've started creating my own splinter world in which Victor lives. I think that's very telling of a person's artistic output, that it immediately fires to life the imagination of others. I look forward to seeing more illustrations from him in the hopes that I can use them to further flesh out my imaginary world.
As a bonus, if you happen to find a piece that catches your fancy, most of Paul's artwork is available for purchase here: pauldunford.imagekind.com
While I am clearly biased, I think his artwork is quite lovely, and I've taken a special liking to Victor, an owl who has become a reoccurring staple in his work. My favorite piece feature him is below.
"Reginald Cumberland was startled to discover an owl in his tea. The owl was startled to discover that Sir Cumberland didn’t have the decency to knock before coming in."
The quote is mine. While I'm sure Paul has his own stories in mind, I've started creating my own splinter world in which Victor lives. I think that's very telling of a person's artistic output, that it immediately fires to life the imagination of others. I look forward to seeing more illustrations from him in the hopes that I can use them to further flesh out my imaginary world.
As a bonus, if you happen to find a piece that catches your fancy, most of Paul's artwork is available for purchase here: pauldunford.imagekind.com
Daily Haiku - October 23, 2012
Waking next to her
The world still dark and sleeping
Quiet, silent joy.
The world still dark and sleeping
Quiet, silent joy.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Daily Haiku - Weekend Edition
Soft Pretzels are great
So why must you butcher them
T.G.I.Fridays?
----------------------------
Run my zombie friends
Our human prey escapes us
Cardio is key
----------------------------
Car alarms and dogs
Nature's other wakeup call
Thank you kind neighbors
So why must you butcher them
T.G.I.Fridays?
----------------------------
Run my zombie friends
Our human prey escapes us
Cardio is key
----------------------------
Car alarms and dogs
Nature's other wakeup call
Thank you kind neighbors
Friday, October 19, 2012
Rewritten Lyrics – “Touch My Brownies”
As I may have previously mentioned, one of the things I like to do when I get bored is rewrite lyrics to songs. Rarely do they ever get past that initial stage, though I did try to record this one once and I’ve got another song for which most of the music video has been shot. But since this one isn’t like to see the light of day I thought I’d share it with you.
The original song is “Touch My Body” by Mariah Carey, a karaoke version of which I've imbedded below in case you want to try and sing along.
[Note: My lyrics would kick in at the 17 second mark in the video]
I know that you've been waiting for it
I'm waiting too
In my imagination I’d be cooking for you
I’ve got the oven preset for
Three hundred and two
And my KitchenAid is ready
For whatever I’ll do.
The original song is “Touch My Body” by Mariah Carey, a karaoke version of which I've imbedded below in case you want to try and sing along.
[Note: My lyrics would kick in at the 17 second mark in the video]
I know that you've been waiting for it
I'm waiting too
In my imagination I’d be cooking for you
I’ve got the oven preset for
Three hundred and two
And my KitchenAid is ready
For whatever I’ll do.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
The Great ShakeOut Evacuation Drill
Or, 'The Trials and Tribulations of Being Floor Warden'.
-------------------------------------------------------------
From: Me
Sent: Thursday, October 18, 2012 10:42 AM
To: A crap-ton of people
Subject: Holy crap, there was an earthquake!
AND MOST OF YOU DIED.
Your theoretical mother and I are very disappointed with the majority of you. Were you still among the living we would point out that the safety area for our building is actually out in the street as opposed to right next to the Admin Building, where most of you were tragically crushed by falling debris.
For those of you that DID survive, your theoretical mother and I are docking your allowances for the next year and a half to help pay for all the funerals. Shame on you for not letting your less knowledgeable siblings know where to safely stand.
Also, would it hurt you to pick up a phone occasionally? You’re breaking your theoretical mother’s heart.
Love,
Your Metaphorical Father Figure
-------------------------------------------------------------
From: Me
Sent: Thursday, October 18, 2012 10:42 AM
To: A crap-ton of people
Subject: Holy crap, there was an earthquake!
AND MOST OF YOU DIED.
Your theoretical mother and I are very disappointed with the majority of you. Were you still among the living we would point out that the safety area for our building is actually out in the street as opposed to right next to the Admin Building, where most of you were tragically crushed by falling debris.
For those of you that DID survive, your theoretical mother and I are docking your allowances for the next year and a half to help pay for all the funerals. Shame on you for not letting your less knowledgeable siblings know where to safely stand.
Also, would it hurt you to pick up a phone occasionally? You’re breaking your theoretical mother’s heart.
Love,
Your Metaphorical Father Figure
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
What I'm Cooking - Pork Loin
French-Style Pot-Roasted Pork Loin, to be exact.
Sadly, the recipe came out fairly bland for me, but I would be willing to make it again with some modifications. The pork loin is double-butterflied and then salted, sugared and the insides littered with a small amount of browned, thinly sliced garlic. To bump the flavor I'd probably throw in some rehydrated cranberries, some finely chopped nuts (walnut, perhaps?) and some sort of spice.
The exterior is coated with pepper and herbs de province, which I didn't have at the time and replaced with a regular Italian blend. That might have been part of the problem, but I can't imagine the difference in flavor would explain the blandness of the dish. Nothing really needs to be changed here.
The sauce was also fairly tame, with garlic, onion, apple, thmye, parsley, chicken broth and a bit of white wine thrown in for good measure. I'd add more of the cranberries here and maybe some cinnamon or nutmeg? I'm not sure.
Regardless, it was fun to make, which is half the reason I cook in the first place, so I'll give this another shot at some point in the future, but for now I'd look elsewhere if you've got some pork loin laying about the house.
Might I recommend the exquisitely delicious Ginger Ale Marinated Pork Loin? My only suggestion is instead of straining the broth at the end, puree it all together and thicken it up with flour or cornstarch or what have you. It's DELICIOUS.
Sadly, the recipe came out fairly bland for me, but I would be willing to make it again with some modifications. The pork loin is double-butterflied and then salted, sugared and the insides littered with a small amount of browned, thinly sliced garlic. To bump the flavor I'd probably throw in some rehydrated cranberries, some finely chopped nuts (walnut, perhaps?) and some sort of spice.
The exterior is coated with pepper and herbs de province, which I didn't have at the time and replaced with a regular Italian blend. That might have been part of the problem, but I can't imagine the difference in flavor would explain the blandness of the dish. Nothing really needs to be changed here.
The sauce was also fairly tame, with garlic, onion, apple, thmye, parsley, chicken broth and a bit of white wine thrown in for good measure. I'd add more of the cranberries here and maybe some cinnamon or nutmeg? I'm not sure.
Regardless, it was fun to make, which is half the reason I cook in the first place, so I'll give this another shot at some point in the future, but for now I'd look elsewhere if you've got some pork loin laying about the house.
Might I recommend the exquisitely delicious Ginger Ale Marinated Pork Loin? My only suggestion is instead of straining the broth at the end, puree it all together and thicken it up with flour or cornstarch or what have you. It's DELICIOUS.
Daily Haiku (Double Feature) - October 16, 2012
Oh, dearest pork loin
Whom I spent so much time on
Why are you so bland?
----------
Using a dolly
Does not negate injury
When moving boxes.
Whom I spent so much time on
Why are you so bland?
----------
Using a dolly
Does not negate injury
When moving boxes.
Friday, October 12, 2012
And speaking of which...
Yesterday, one of my Facebook friends posted about a video contest Buitoni is holding through October about Men in the Kitchen:
Ladies, does your guy know his way around the kitchen? Guys, do you whip up meals that make women weak? Submit a video that shows how a guy can turn an ordinary meal into an extraordinary one with BUITONI® pastas and/or sauces for your chance to win $10,000!I pounced on the idea and sent my roommate a rough sketch of what I thought would be a dynamite submission and he said we could do it. I fleshed out the idea more today and am really excited about it. The contest caps the video length at 60, so it shouldn't be too arduous a task. I just finished fleshing out the original idea further and am waiting to hear back from my roommate. Hopefully I'll have something to show you all in a week or two!
Daily Haiku - October 11, 2012
Autumn has arrived.
Jackets are pulled from storage,
Tea begins to steep.
Jackets are pulled from storage,
Tea begins to steep.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Unused Ideas
I'm a fairly creative guy. I come up with ideas all the time, but I’m terribly inconsistent when it comes to following through with them. And while I still hold out hope that I’ll eventually get most of my ideas solidified and posted on YouTube, I figured I’d share them in the meantime as someone else will probably find them amusing.
First up, a board game spoof of the following scene from “Walk Hard,” which itself is a spoof of “Walk the Line,” both of which are worth seeing:
And now the spoof:
[Joseph walks into Brian’s dinning room, where Brian, Jeff, Donovan and Jen are playing]
Joseph: What are y'all doin' in here?
Brian: We're playing 7 Wonders and you don't want no part of this shit.
Joseph: You're playing 7 Wonders?
Brian: Yeah, 'course we are; haven’t you played before?
Joseph: No, Brian. I haven’t.
Ben: Come on, Joseph! Play the game!
[pulls out an open chair next to him]
Brian: No, Joseph, you don't want this. Get outta here!
Joseph: You know what, it probably doesn’t play more than four. I don’t want to kick someone else out.
Brian: It plays up to seven people!
Joseph: Well, it’s probably really difficult to learn, huh?
Brian: I can teach you the rules in about five minutes!
Joseph: Oh, okay... well, I don't know... I don’t really want to commit a couple of hours to a game right now.
Brian: You can finish a game in thirty minutes!
Joseph: It's not gonna make me wanna buy expansions, is it?
Brian: The expansions make the game even better!
Joseph: Sounds kind of expensive.
Brian: It's only $35 on Amazon. And I already own a copy!
Joseph: [at a loss and out of excuses] Hmm.
Brian: You don't want to play it!
Joseph: I think I kinda want to play it.
Brian: Okay, but just this once. Choose a wonder.
[holds out remaining wonder boards]
---------[additional ending]------------
[Jen or Susie walks into Brians’s, where Brian, Jeff, Donovan, Jen and now Joe are playing]
Jen/Susie: Hey guys, what’s up?
Joseph: We're playing 7 Wonders and you don't want no part of this shit.
--FIN--
First up, a board game spoof of the following scene from “Walk Hard,” which itself is a spoof of “Walk the Line,” both of which are worth seeing:
And now the spoof:
[Joseph walks into Brian’s dinning room, where Brian, Jeff, Donovan and Jen are playing]
Joseph: What are y'all doin' in here?
Brian: We're playing 7 Wonders and you don't want no part of this shit.
Joseph: You're playing 7 Wonders?
Brian: Yeah, 'course we are; haven’t you played before?
Joseph: No, Brian. I haven’t.
Ben: Come on, Joseph! Play the game!
[pulls out an open chair next to him]
Brian: No, Joseph, you don't want this. Get outta here!
Joseph: You know what, it probably doesn’t play more than four. I don’t want to kick someone else out.
Brian: It plays up to seven people!
Joseph: Well, it’s probably really difficult to learn, huh?
Brian: I can teach you the rules in about five minutes!
Joseph: Oh, okay... well, I don't know... I don’t really want to commit a couple of hours to a game right now.
Brian: You can finish a game in thirty minutes!
Joseph: It's not gonna make me wanna buy expansions, is it?
Brian: The expansions make the game even better!
Joseph: Sounds kind of expensive.
Brian: It's only $35 on Amazon. And I already own a copy!
Joseph: [at a loss and out of excuses] Hmm.
Brian: You don't want to play it!
Joseph: I think I kinda want to play it.
Brian: Okay, but just this once. Choose a wonder.
[holds out remaining wonder boards]
---------[additional ending]------------
[Jen or Susie walks into Brians’s, where Brian, Jeff, Donovan, Jen and now Joe are playing]
Jen/Susie: Hey guys, what’s up?
Joseph: We're playing 7 Wonders and you don't want no part of this shit.
--FIN--
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Renga: 100-player laser pointer game
While waiting around Saturday night for 10:50pm showing of "Looper", which I highly recommend you go see, my girlfriend and I stumbled across the grounds of IndieCade 2012.
IndieCade (i.e., International Festival of Independent Games) is:
Initially players are harvesting resources from asteroids for use in building their space ship, which involves walling in floating elements (e.g., storage, engines and shields) and then connecting them to each other, all under a time constraint. Once time runs out, the ship spends a round being bombarded by outside forces, which can be destroyed by hovering laser pointers at specific points around them. If they survive the whole cycle is repeated, with the players eventually reaching the final boss stage.
It looks like a lot of fun and I'd love to get a chance to try it out with a bunch of friends. Check out some videos below of the game in action.
IndieCade (i.e., International Festival of Independent Games) is:
"the only stand-alone independent-focused game festival in the nation. It is open to the industry and to the public. Events include a festival workshops, keynotes, and family-focused activities, meet-and-greets with game creators, hands-on gameplay with a GameWalk, live games, Night Games and numerous social events."One of the night games they had running when we got there was a fascinating project called "Renga". It is a 100-person cooperative laser pointer game, wherein the players are collectively building a spacecraft and then protecting it from various enemies and natural hazards. While I have no idea how the programming actually works, actions in the game appear to be based on the intensity of the lasers (i.e., the more pointers focused on one point of the screen triggers an action there).
Initially players are harvesting resources from asteroids for use in building their space ship, which involves walling in floating elements (e.g., storage, engines and shields) and then connecting them to each other, all under a time constraint. Once time runs out, the ship spends a round being bombarded by outside forces, which can be destroyed by hovering laser pointers at specific points around them. If they survive the whole cycle is repeated, with the players eventually reaching the final boss stage.
It looks like a lot of fun and I'd love to get a chance to try it out with a bunch of friends. Check out some videos below of the game in action.
Daily Haiku (Double Feature) - October 9, 2012
The sky is not yours.
The clouds you proffer are dark;
Seek the sun behind.
--------------------
The heavens are not yours alone.
The clouds that you sustain above,
Whose dark crests bloat with discontent,
Shall blot both self and neighbor.
Take heart from clear blue skies about,
Seek friends to calm your troubled mind;
Or find some sheltered, private place
And weather all til sun shines down once more.
[I really like the first stanza but the second one feels 'meh'. I couldn't find the right words for it, but it felt weird just having the first one by itself so I went with what I had.]
The clouds you proffer are dark;
Seek the sun behind.
--------------------
The heavens are not yours alone.
The clouds that you sustain above,
Whose dark crests bloat with discontent,
Shall blot both self and neighbor.
Take heart from clear blue skies about,
Seek friends to calm your troubled mind;
Or find some sheltered, private place
And weather all til sun shines down once more.
[I really like the first stanza but the second one feels 'meh'. I couldn't find the right words for it, but it felt weird just having the first one by itself so I went with what I had.]
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
What I'm Cooking
So I finally got around to making this dish, which I've been sitting on for almost a year. It's full title is "Sweet & Savory Wild Rice Dressing w/ Hot Italian Sausage, Orange, Dried Cranberries & Hazelnuts", which doesn't quite manage to cram all the ingredients in there, but it's impressive nonetheless.
I'm afraid I've no pictures to share at the moment, but please take my word that it both pleasing in taste and sight. What's not included in the title is the onion and fennel, the latter of which makes up the base flavor of the dish. It pairs quite nicely with the sausage and the orange juice and cranberries do their part to sweeten things up a bit.
The dish is fairly easy to make but please note it'll be at least an hour and a half before it's ready to eat. The recipe suggests 55-65 minutes in the oven to cook the rice, but after 65 minutes my dish was still full of liquid, so you may need to cook it for another 10-15 minutes depending on your oven. As such it's not great for whipping something together on a weeknight, but it's fine for the weekend and the leftovers make for good lunch material.
I'm afraid I've no pictures to share at the moment, but please take my word that it both pleasing in taste and sight. What's not included in the title is the onion and fennel, the latter of which makes up the base flavor of the dish. It pairs quite nicely with the sausage and the orange juice and cranberries do their part to sweeten things up a bit.
The dish is fairly easy to make but please note it'll be at least an hour and a half before it's ready to eat. The recipe suggests 55-65 minutes in the oven to cook the rice, but after 65 minutes my dish was still full of liquid, so you may need to cook it for another 10-15 minutes depending on your oven. As such it's not great for whipping something together on a weeknight, but it's fine for the weekend and the leftovers make for good lunch material.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Friday, October 5, 2012
What Dreams May Come
I think the dream started as something else, but when I became conscious of it there was a group of us planning to go to the cottage in Maine. My mother and sister were there along with about a half dozen friends. Some of us had already traveled some distance and were waiting for the rest of the folks back home to catch up.
Suddenly we are on a beach, which I assume is somewhere in Maine due to the rocky shore and cold water. Some of us are swimming in the water and then I notice there are pink jellyfish everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. Fortunately they aren’t the stinging kind, and as soon as my focus changes they are gone again.
I turn to look out at the ocean but it appears we are actually on a lake, as I can see forested, hilly land not too far in the distance, with a small clump of trees much closer. And then I notice the tide receding. Quickly. And I started screaming at everyone, who had inexplicably started walking towards the far side of the now empty lake, that a tidal wave was coming. But as soon as I started yelling I could see the tidal wave coming in, and there was no chance anyone was going to make it to safety. Instead, I start yelling for them to run towards the small clump of trees, in the hopes that hiding behind the trunks (they were big trees) will at least protect them from the initial brunt of the wave.
Time kicks into slow motion as we make a desperate bee-line towards the trees. I see the trees crack violently and begin to fall towards me as they are hit by the tidal wave. But then the wave isn’t actually there yet and it’s some sort of shockwave that is leveling the trees and setting them aflame. With the slow motion still in effect, I’m sidestepping the falling trees as they hit the ground, and then the shockwave hits me.
I’m in a helicopter. I’m a grizzled veteran; what the demo-man from Team Fortress 2 would be if he were real. I knew the pilot from an earlier, possibly semi-connected dream. I know he’s a bad guy and responsible for all this somehow so I sabotage the helicopter to make it crash and grab a parachute to make my escape. But as I get ready to jump out of the helicopter I find that he is already landing in a gas station in the midst of a metropolis filled with skyscrapers.
Knowing an explosion is still imminent I sprint from the helicopter and down the rest of the block, turning the corner just as the helicopter explodes behind me. I’m suddenly in a warehouse district and someone else is now traveling with me. We go into the nearest warehouse where dozens of people are hard at work welding metal for some unknown purpose. We are looking for our secret contact here that was in the same earlier, possibly semi-connected dream, but he no longer works there. Our secret military team is no more.
Disavowed?
Suddenly we are on a beach, which I assume is somewhere in Maine due to the rocky shore and cold water. Some of us are swimming in the water and then I notice there are pink jellyfish everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. Fortunately they aren’t the stinging kind, and as soon as my focus changes they are gone again.
I turn to look out at the ocean but it appears we are actually on a lake, as I can see forested, hilly land not too far in the distance, with a small clump of trees much closer. And then I notice the tide receding. Quickly. And I started screaming at everyone, who had inexplicably started walking towards the far side of the now empty lake, that a tidal wave was coming. But as soon as I started yelling I could see the tidal wave coming in, and there was no chance anyone was going to make it to safety. Instead, I start yelling for them to run towards the small clump of trees, in the hopes that hiding behind the trunks (they were big trees) will at least protect them from the initial brunt of the wave.
Time kicks into slow motion as we make a desperate bee-line towards the trees. I see the trees crack violently and begin to fall towards me as they are hit by the tidal wave. But then the wave isn’t actually there yet and it’s some sort of shockwave that is leveling the trees and setting them aflame. With the slow motion still in effect, I’m sidestepping the falling trees as they hit the ground, and then the shockwave hits me.
I’m in a helicopter. I’m a grizzled veteran; what the demo-man from Team Fortress 2 would be if he were real. I knew the pilot from an earlier, possibly semi-connected dream. I know he’s a bad guy and responsible for all this somehow so I sabotage the helicopter to make it crash and grab a parachute to make my escape. But as I get ready to jump out of the helicopter I find that he is already landing in a gas station in the midst of a metropolis filled with skyscrapers.Knowing an explosion is still imminent I sprint from the helicopter and down the rest of the block, turning the corner just as the helicopter explodes behind me. I’m suddenly in a warehouse district and someone else is now traveling with me. We go into the nearest warehouse where dozens of people are hard at work welding metal for some unknown purpose. We are looking for our secret contact here that was in the same earlier, possibly semi-connected dream, but he no longer works there. Our secret military team is no more.
Disavowed?
Daily Haiku - October 4, 2012
This lucid dreaming,
The reward for broken sleep,
Worth the cost to me.
The reward for broken sleep,
Worth the cost to me.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Daily Haiku - October 3, 2012
Two weeks and no sign
Now I have to pay for it
Why, Hangover 2?
(The annoying part is I watched all of 10 minutes of it before turning it off because it was so bad. If I'm going to pay for a lost rental I'd at least like it to be a good movie)
Now I have to pay for it
Why, Hangover 2?
(The annoying part is I watched all of 10 minutes of it before turning it off because it was so bad. If I'm going to pay for a lost rental I'd at least like it to be a good movie)
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Borderlands 2: A Brief Review
Having now spent a little under 33 hours playing Borderlands 2 since it came out two weeks ago I feel like I can comfortably throw my opinion into the ring.
Opinion: Great game, you should buy it, but getting friends together to play may be a hassle.
If you played the first Borderlands, everything you loved is still there with loads of new content fleshing out the lovely cell-shaded world. New areas, new creatures, new players, new (and old) NPCs—it’s all there. And as a bonus they’ve thrown in an engaging storyline, which I felt was rather lacking in the first iteration. I think the improved plot has added a lot to the game, but if you’re just looking to shoot things in the face, you won’t be disappointed. And while I haven’t engaged in co-op shenanigans yet, I’m told they’ve dumped Gamespy and its ridiculous issues and networking players together runs much more smoothly now.
And this brings me to my only real issue with the game, which was also present in the first one. While Borderlands 2 is ostentatious meant to be played with friends, it’s incredibly hard to actually make that happen. First, you need to find time that you and three of your friends are all free, and then you need to make sure you all have characters that are the same or very close in level. Obviously playing with just one or two friends can make scheduling easier to organize, but the bigger issue is the level problem.
Case in point: the last time I emailed my friends for co-op we had characters who were level 24, 23, 18 and 12. And since this is the first run-through of the game for all of us, people didn’t have much of a desire to stop playing their primary character until everyone was caught up. I suspect once everyone has finished a run-through of the game on their own, it’ll be much easier to get co-op up and running with new secondary characters.
Opinion: Great game, you should buy it, but getting friends together to play may be a hassle.
If you played the first Borderlands, everything you loved is still there with loads of new content fleshing out the lovely cell-shaded world. New areas, new creatures, new players, new (and old) NPCs—it’s all there. And as a bonus they’ve thrown in an engaging storyline, which I felt was rather lacking in the first iteration. I think the improved plot has added a lot to the game, but if you’re just looking to shoot things in the face, you won’t be disappointed. And while I haven’t engaged in co-op shenanigans yet, I’m told they’ve dumped Gamespy and its ridiculous issues and networking players together runs much more smoothly now.
And this brings me to my only real issue with the game, which was also present in the first one. While Borderlands 2 is ostentatious meant to be played with friends, it’s incredibly hard to actually make that happen. First, you need to find time that you and three of your friends are all free, and then you need to make sure you all have characters that are the same or very close in level. Obviously playing with just one or two friends can make scheduling easier to organize, but the bigger issue is the level problem.
Case in point: the last time I emailed my friends for co-op we had characters who were level 24, 23, 18 and 12. And since this is the first run-through of the game for all of us, people didn’t have much of a desire to stop playing their primary character until everyone was caught up. I suspect once everyone has finished a run-through of the game on their own, it’ll be much easier to get co-op up and running with new secondary characters.
Monday, October 1, 2012
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